Heart to Heart Blogspot

Judgemental People -

2012-02-02T00:47:00.000-08:00

Why do people have to be so judgemental? Why is it so difficult to just accept people as they are?

I think it is more important to reach out to differences than to push them away. Differences can make life much more fun, not to mention interesting. Small, shallow minds. They must increase their awareness. Value the opportunity to know something different from your norm. Life is what we make it. This is not a cookie cutter world and things are far from perfect. All we can do is to make our little corners of it a little bit nicer.

Things to Avoid on a Date

2012-02-02T00:38:00.001-08:00

By now you know all the things you should do on a date, be polite, be yourself, smile... but it’s the things that we shouldn’t do that are sometimes overlooked. Avoid these things and increase your chances of getting that second date.

Don’t talk about past relationships. If you feel that you must, make sure you let them know that you are happy that you have moved on and are not still longing for this person. Never bash your ex for any reason.

Don’t skip out on the tip. If you show respect for your server and the job they performed, your date will respect you. This doesn’t mean you have to leave them 50% of the bill but a standard 15% - 20% is perfect.

Don’t order more than two alcoholic drinks. It’s better not to drink at all on a first date but if you do make sure you keep the amount to two drinks. You don’t want to get drunk. It’s not impressive to your date. And most importantly you shouldn’t drink if you will be driving yourself and or your date home.

Don’t confess feelings of love on the first date. You will appear needy and have your date looking for the exit before the second course.

Don’t discuss personal problems such as family, money, or health issues. Remember this is a date not a therapy session.

Don’t act desperate. You never want to admit this is the first date you’ve had in years. Keep it fun and get to know each other. Never talk about your future relationship.

Don’t discuss anything negative. This includes world events. Keep things light. If you aren’t sure what to talk about see getting to know your date.

Don’t leave your date to go talk to friends. It’s just rude. Instead if you run into buddies, introduce them to your date and then politely have them move on.

Don’t offer advice if your date does talk about personal problems. Instead try to guide the conversation back to a more pleasant subject.

Don’t take medication in front of your date. Yes this includes aspirin. Excuse yourself to the restroom.

Ladies, don’t reapply make-up at the dinner table. It’s not cute; in fact, it’s rude. Again, excuse yourself to the restroom.

Don’t brag. You should be asking your date about their interests. If they ask about yours keep your responses modest.

To put it bluntly, don’t be gross. Guys, avoid picking, scratching, nose blowing or adjusting in front of you date.

Finally, don’t make up "facts" about yourself to appear impressive. Sooner or later the truth will come out and ruin any chances of a future with your date.

Dating Advice for Shy Guys

2012-02-02T00:34:00.001-08:00

Be eye-catchingly honest
Remember George Costanza's approach in Seinfeld: "My name is George. I'm unemployed and live with my parents." Hey, it worked for him. So why not try being straight up with women? Tell them you're not much of a player.

Tips For Singles On Enjoying (and surviving) The Holidays

2011-12-01T16:50:00.001-08:00

Here you are, facing the holiday season alone. Have you been thinking about?
How alone and lonely you feel.
Excuses you can give family members as to why you can’t come this year.
What friends may be available to spend those long days with.
How another year has passed and you are (still) single.
How unfair it is that everyone else seems so happy and connected
How you will handle the office holiday party- single, take a friend, not attend
Going to a far away (tropical?) place to escape it all
Hiding out, alone, in your own home.

If these thoughts sound familiar it is probably time to reflect on your feelings regarding this holiday season. If your goal is to hide out and endure it alone, you won’t need to do too much planning. However, if you wish to experience at least a measure of the “peace and joy” associated with this time of year, you need to make and follow through with plans that allow you to participate in ways that are meaningful to YOU.

Remember, your senses are bombarded from October to December with music, images and Hallmark verses depicting the “right” experiences and expressions for the season. Remind yourself, every day if necessary, that there’s nothing wrong with being single. You have the same need and right to enjoy this season as any couple or family does. How you choose to do this is up to you.

After you have done some serious reflection, consider the following list of holiday tips designed especially for singles.

Don’t make plans out of a sense of obligation. This is also your holiday season. Set limits, make good choices and enjoy. You may ask yourself; “do I really want to go out”? If so, make your next question something like; “does it sound like something I would enjoy or be interested in?” Or, “will I have the opportunity to meet and mix with other singles?”

Avoid unrealistic expectations from others, from yourself and from the holidays themselves. Relax, enjoy and don’t expect so much that you will feel hurt or disappointed when things don’t turn out just as you had imagined. This will defeat all the positive feelings and experiences that you may have already gained.

Make sure you give thanks for all the blessings you do have in your life. Focusing on what you don’t have only encourages negative thoughts. Add a prayer of hope for the things you would like to work for in the coming year.

Don’t overbook OR overstay a good amount of time with relatives/friends. Sometimes a shorter stay works best and leaves you energy and space to get back to your own home and decompress.

Look for ways to give to or do for others. Feeling useful and appreciated will provide a great boost to your holiday spirits. Check into volunteer opportunities at local shelters and nursing homes or through any local church or non-profit group.

Don’t plan to spend the entire holiday season with married /coupled family and friends. Seek out other singles and singles groups/ activities where you can feel relaxed and able to share with folks you have more in common with at this time. Better yet, plan a get together with other singles for one of the holidays. A festive potluck meal, tree trimming party or other holiday event would probably be much appreciated.

Do avoid using food, alcohol or drugs to cope with holiday stress. Nothing is worse than the feelings that follow the use (or wrong use) of these things. This way of coping leads to depression, low self-esteem and a greater sense of isolation and despair.

Do decorate your home with any and all things that make it feel more festive and fun for YOU. Tune into all those wonderful traditions you grew up with. It does not have to be very costly or time consuming to begin your own traditions in your own place. Don’t put off or deny yourself those happy holiday expressions, as you wait for your significant other. Make your life all it can be right now.

Consider emphasizing the more spiritual aspects of the holiday. Go to a concert featuring religious holiday music or attend a church (or other) service, (even better with a friend).

Finally, going away to an exotic place may be just what you do need. Look into tour or vacation packages for singles. This may provide plenty of rest and relaxation and help you meet new friends and develop new interests.

Whatever you decide to do for your holidays, have fun and enjoy them. Focus on taking care of yourself and doing what is right for you. This way you will also be giving your best to those around you. Happy Holidays!

Dating Tips for More Confidence

2011-09-21T16:19:00.000-07:00

Boost your self-esteem and date more often

To date successfully as a man or woman, you need to increase your confidence level. Some things are easy to change, while other idiosyncrasies will take some practice. One thing is certain: Nothing can be achieved without trying. If you never leave the house because you don't feel so great about yourself, then unless you use an Internet dating service, no one is going to come to you. Follow these tips give your confidence a boost, whether you're a single man or single woman:

Establish whether you're truly ready to meet someone new. If so, then proceed. If not, take your time.

Make a list addressing all the things you are not comfortable with about yourself. Be brutally honest.

Establish which things you think people may not like about you and make a list. Get a second opinion, too.

Address the way you look and the way you dress.

Change the things you think you can do better

By changing the most basic aspects of your looks, lifestyle and regime, you will instantly feel more confident. You will have a new you.

Ensure you are comfortable with any changes you make.

Make sure you are in shape or attempting to be. If you are dieting or exercising, remember to be patient as these changes will take a little while.

Your confidence will grow as you feel better about yourself and others will sense it.

Start to change the routines that drag you down. If you associate with people who criticize you, lose them fast.

Start doing the things you wish you had always had the courage to do, like a hobby, sport or society. Don't look back.

Learn to enjoy the smaller things in life and give yourself time specifically for these things. If you like to cook for friends, then start having dinner parties. Don't wait for others to invite you out.

Stop accepting second best. Start making yourself the first priority.

By looking and feeling good about yourself and widening your horizons, your life will begin to change for the better and your confidence levels will go up.

Be selective about what kind of person you really like. And by the same token, talk to everyone. The more people who are interested, the higher your confidence levels.

Start dating. If someone asks you out, accept.

Set yourself some life goals as well as romantic goals. Other people love to be associated with driven and goal-orientated people. Confidence breeds confidence.

Be proactive and ask someone out. Just do it, and accept freely that some people will say no. Many will also say yes.

Learn to like and love yourself for who you are and what you want from your life. Do not allow negative family comments to influence you in any way.

Make conversation with the nice people you meet along the way.

Become sociable and look good at every opportunity. Be your own best advert.

Remember that your confidence levels will become sky high by people saying yes to you. This will happen when you select the right kind of dates, so keep a realistic approach to dating.

Walk away from anything you don't like and instill a positive mental attitude in everything you do.

Stick with it and just keep going. Don't go back to what there was before. That's over.

8 first date ideas for outdoorsy types

2011-09-21T16:03:00.000-07:00

Nurture your love while communing with nature

If you're looking for something a bit more original than the typical "dinner and a movie," more power to you. As a female, I can tell you that guys get major brownie points for coming up with and planning creative dates that prove they did more than open a newspaper. If your lady loves communing with nature, here are a few ideas for your initial rendezvous that will appeal to her outdoorsy side and make sure you get a second date.

Hiking the trails - The big secret about hiking that no one tells you is that it's really just walking by another name. Find a shaded trail in your neck of the woods and invite her along for the ride. The scenery will provide a welcome distraction while you two get to know each other.

Rock climbing - One of my all-time favorite dates, this one requires some planning, as the two of you will need to take an intro class if you're not skilled climbers. Still, there are plenty of gyms that offer affordable introductions, and you usually get your own instructor. Develop trust by belaying each other, then satisfy your post-climbing appetites by grabbing some food.

A picnic in the park - A classic first-date outing, it's hard to go wrong with a blanket, a picnic basket, and some home-made treats. Let your thoughtfulness shine through, then seal the deal with a PB&J.

Horseback riding - At the risk of generalizing, women love horses. Whether it's the "white knight" angle or just the excitement of sitting atop an animal several times your size, horseback riding lessons, or even a tour à la cheval, will up the romance factor of any outing.

Kayaking - For those lucky enough to live near a body of water, why not rent a kayak (yes, just one, gentlemen ... you do the paddling) and float around? While swimming is probably a little much (she'd likely prefer not to be nearly-naked the first time the two of you hang out), the water is the perfect place to see sparks.

Skydiving - If you've got a daredevil on your hands, you'll create a lifelong bond by leaping out of a plane, hand in hand. Not for the faint of heart, it's an unbelievable rush - and the thrill of touching back down on the sweet, solid earth is sure to bring you two closer together.

Riding bikes - Looking for something a bit tamer? Scope out the city on two wheels. If you're serious about wooing this one, you might even consider renting a tandem bike. It's a risk, and possibly a bit on the cheesy side, but it's hard to deny the appeal of "a bicycle built for two."

Camping - It might be a stretch for a first date, but if you're really jonesing for an outdoor adventure, throw a tent in the truck and whisk her away to a secluded spot.

Love Story - Persistence leads to love

2011-09-15T13:44:00.000-07:00

Leanne Bryant was about ready to give up on the dating introduction service. The 62-year-old Overland Park divorcee had met four guys, and not one had interested her.

Read more: http://www.kansascity.com/2011/08/27/3095786/persistence-leads-to-love-finally.html

Seven Keys to Dating Etiquette

2011-07-23T21:13:00.000-07:00

Preparing for a date racks the nerves of many singles — worrying about what to wear, what to say and how to act.

Dress the part. Don't dress too sexy.
Be on time or your date might wonder, "What was more important than getting here on time?"
Mind your table manners — and if you don't have any, get some!
Focus 100 percent on your date. Turn off your cell phone and other messaging devices.
Check your emotional baggage at the door. Don't go burdening your date with all of your problems.
Sweat the small stuff. Listen to what your prospective mate has to say.
Follow up. Do something that let's your date know, "Hey, that was a lot of fun."

Life after Divorce

2011-07-23T20:36:00.000-07:00

Divorce is a major life change that can leave a person reeling. Suddenly being on your own to deal with issues such as money, children, career changes and downsizing the family home can seem overwhelming.

If you're having trouble letting go:

There is life after this marriage
As hard as it is to believe right now, one day this marriage will just be something you did once. You'll go on and you'll have what you create.

Get out of denial
Ask yourself: Do you really want this marriage, or are you hanging onto it out of fear? If being alone is a scarier thought than staying in a broken marriage, you're letting fear make your decisions. Are you mourning the loss of what your marriage was, or what you thought marriage would be?
Don't burn daylight
Grieving doesn't have a time frame on it, but life does. Whether you realize it or not, life is marching on. There comes a time when you have to accept the fact and say, "I've got to get on with my life, I've got to get on with raising my children, I've got to get on with putting things together where I can be a happy, meaningful, productive member of society." Find a way to put one foot in front of the other and move forward.
Take the catastrophic language out of your mind
"My life is over," "I've lost everything," and "Things are horrible" are labels that can have a powerful impact on how you feel. Recognize that it's factually not true. Your life isn't over, it's just a new beginning for you. Changing the negative tapes that run in your head can change how you physically feel.
Don't waste time with regret
At some point you have to say, "It is what it is." You can't do anything about what you did before; but you can do a lot about what you're doing now.
Be an example for your children
What kind of mom do you think your kids are experiencing when you're sitting around and crying and looking over your shoulder at what was instead of what is?

You've accepted it. Now it's time to jumpstart your life!

Define a new relationship with your ex for your children
Your old relationship was husband and wife, your new relationship is as common allies of your children.
Talk to your kids
Divorce can create emotional wounds in children. Talk to them about what's going on, what they're feeling, and how things will get better. Involve them. If they know there are things they can do to help this transition, it will give them a feeling of power.
Make a plan
Assess your situation financially, look at your resources to see what your options are in terms of housing, job and finances.
Create a support squad
Ask for help. People appreciate being asked for help. It's a gift to them to allow them to be there for you. Create a support squad of your closest friends who won't mind providing you with emotional support, professional guidance and ongoing inspiration. Realize that you're not the first person to go through this.
Get your resources and assets around you
Do everything you can to program yourself for success. Find out what your strengths and skills are and focus on them to help move you in a new and positive direction. Everybody has a personal truth — what you believe about yourself when nobody's watching. Remember that you will create the results in life that you believe you deserve.
Make time for yourself
Make a priority to be a little selfish and do something just for yourself. The most important gift you can give your children is to take care of their parents. Try a new class, start exercising, or reconnect with an old hobby you've forgotten about.
Make your dream home
It's not the end of the world if you have to change houses. Know that you and your kids are going to create memories there and that's what makes it a dream home.
Find your authentic self
Although you may no longer be one half of a couple, you are still 100 percent the person who you are. Find that person again.
Find your passion
What is it that will make you excited to get out of bed every day? Make a list of what you can do to reach your goals.
Have some joy with your kids
Choose to live with some fun in your new life. Create new memories with your children that will carry them into the future with self-esteem, confidence and happiness.
Protect yourself in the future
It's important to always look at a relationship and ask yourself, "What's it costing me to be in this relationship?" If you totally lose yourself in it, then the cost is too high.

Ten Relationship Myths

2011-07-23T20:06:00.000-07:00

Think your relationship is a failure because you and your partner aren't following certain "rules" or meeting certain standards?

MYTH #1: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP DEPENDS ON A GREAT MEETING OF THE MINDS

You will never see things through your partner's eyes because you are two entirely different people. You are genetically, physiologically, psychologically and historically different.
You will not solve your relationship problems by becoming more alike in your thinking. Men and women are wired differently. Attempting to blur your fundamentally different viewpoints is unnatural and even dangerous.
Recognize that a relationship is far more enjoyable when you're with someone who enriches your life, not simply reflects it. Appreciate your differences.

MYTH #2: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP REQUIRES A GREAT ROMANCE

Yes, your life with your partner should include plenty of romance. But don't kid yourself and expect an unrealistic Hollywood fairytale. The truth is that in the real world, being in love is not like falling in love.
Falling in love is only the first stage of love. It's impossible to remain in that stage. A mature relationship will shift from dizzying infatuation to a deeper, more secure love.
Don't make the common mistake of thinking that when the initial wild passion fades you aren't in love anymore. The answer is not to start a new relationship so you can recapture that emotional high with someone else. The answer is to learn how to move on to the next stages of love for a different but richer experience.

MYTH #3: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP REQUIRES GREAT PROBLEM-SOLVING

Don't fall into the trap of believing that you and your partner can't be happy if you can't resolve your serious disagreements. Ninety percent of problems in a relationship are not solvable.
There are things that you and your partner disagree about and will continue to disagree about. Why can't you once and for all resolve these issues? Because in order to do so, one of you would have to sacrifice your values and beliefs.
You can simply agree to disagree and reach "emotional closure" even though you haven't reached closure on the issue.

MYTH #4: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP REQUIRES COMMON INTERESTS THAT BOND YOU TOGETHER FOREVER

There is nothing wrong with your relationship if you don't share common interests and activities.
If you and your partner are forcing yourselves to engage in common activities but the results are stress, tension and conflict, don't do it!

MYTH #5: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP IS A PEACEFUL ONE

Don't be afraid to argue because you think it's a sign of weakness or relationship breakdown. Even the healthiest couples argue.
If approached properly, arguing can actually help the relationship by (a) releasing tension and (b) instilling the sense of peace and trust that comes from knowing you can release feelings without being abandoned or humiliated.
Instead of worrying about how many times you argue, worry about how you argue. Here are some guidelines:

Don't abandon the issue and attack the worth of your partner during an argument.
Don't seek conflict because it's stimulating.
Don't pursue a take-no-prisoners approach in your arguments.
Don't avoid achieving emotional closure at the end of an argument.

MYTH #6: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP LETS YOU VENT ALL YOUR FEELINGS

Getting things off your chest might feel good, but when you blurt something out in the heat of the moment, you risk damaging your relationship permanently. Many relationships are destroyed when one partner can't forgive something that was said during uncensored venting.
Before you say something you might regret, bite your tongue and give yourself a moment to consider how you really feel. The things we say while we're letting loose often don't represent how we really feel and shouldn't be communicated — especially if they are potentially destructive.

MYTH #7: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SEX

The belief that sex is not important is a dangerous and intimacy-eroding myth. Sex provides an important time-out from the pressures of our daily lives and allows us to experience a quality level of closeness, vulnerability and sharing with our partners.
Sex might not be everything but it registers higher (90 percent) on the "importance scale" if it's a source of frustration in your relationship. If your sex life is unfulfilled, it becomes a gigantic issue. On the other hand, couples that have satisfying sex lives rate sex at only 10 percent on the "importance scale."
Don't restrict your thinking by considering sex to be something that only consists of the actual physical act. Touching, caressing, holding hands and any means by which you provide physical comfort to your partner can all be viewed as part of a fulfilling sex life.

MYTH #8: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP CANNOT SURVIVE A FLAWED PARTNER

Nobody's perfect. As long as your partner's quirks are non-abusive and non-destructive, you can learn to live with them.
Instead of focusing on your partner's shortcomings, remember the qualities that attracted you in the first place. Perhaps some of these idiosyncrasies were part of the attraction? Just because a behavior isn't mainstream, doesn't mean that it's toxic to the relationship.
Be careful to distinguish the difference between a partner with quirks and one with a serious problem. Serious problems that are destructive and abusive include substance abuse and mental/physical abuse. Unlike idiosyncrasies, these are not behaviors you should learn to live with.

MYTH #9: THERE IS A RIGHT WAY AND A WRONG WAY TO MAKE THE RELATIONSHIP GREAT

Nothing could be further from the truth. There is no definitive "right way" to be a good spouse, good parent, or to handle any relationship challenge that life throws you.
Do what works for you rather than following some standards you might have read in a book or heard from a well-meaning friend. If what you and your partner are doing is generating the results you want, stick with it. If both of you are comfortable with the principles that work, you can write your own rules.
Remember not to be rigid about the way in which you accept your partner's expressions of love. There is no "right way" for someone to love you. The fact that your partner expresses feelings differently doesn't make those feelings less genuine or of less value.

MYTH #10: YOUR RELATIONSHIP CAN BECOME GREAT ONLY WHEN YOU STRAIGHTEN YOUR PARTNER OUT

Don't fall into the trap of believing that if you could change your partner, your relationship would be better. You are, at the very least, jointly accountable for the relationship.
Let go of the childlike notion that falling in love means finding someone who will be responsible for your happiness. You need to take responsibility for your own happiness.
If your relationship is distressed, the most important person for you to change might be yourself. Once you identify the payoffs you are subconsciously seeking with destructive behavior, you can choose to remove them from your life.

5 Relationship Myths

2011-01-18T10:24:00.000-08:00

Finding a good relationship is hard; staying in one can sometimes even be harder. And, one of the reasons that it is sometimes so hard is because people have these expectations about how a relationship is supposed to work that make them give up too soon. Are you the victim of one of these five relationship myths?

1. Great relationships require that we completely understand each other.

If you’re looking for a partner who completely understands you, or one that you understand completely, prepare to be disappointed. Men and women are different, and we should celebrate our differences.

2. To have a great relationship, we must solve all our problems.

There are many problems in a relationship that can never be solved. As long as you can agree to disagree about some things, you can still have a great relationship.

3. We must be able to sustain our initial romantic feelings forever.

Every relationship needs romance, but we can’t expect that initial feeling of giddiness to go on indefinitely. At some point, that early passion you feel will change. But, it doesn’t mean you’re not in love. If you move on every time the giddiness fades, you’ll never be in a long-term relationship.

4. I should be able to say whatever’s on my mind.

You will always need to take care to protect your partner’s feelings. While you should be able to talk about your feelings honestly, you must be still be careful not to say something you might regret later.

5. If I’m in the right relationship, it will have nothing to do with sex.

While good relationships have many layers, the sexual aspect is very important to long-term success. The sexual aspect of our relationship is critical to healing the little irritations of life and relaxing as a couple. Sex is an essential part of any successful long-term relationship.

Finding the right partner is difficult in any case. However, if we place unrealistic expectations on our relationships, we can make finding a mate downright impossible. But, if we keep our relationship expectations realistic, we give ourselves a much better chance of finding true love.

Is it ok for a Girl to Ask a Guy on a Second Date?

2010-10-08T01:47:00.000-07:00

Absolutely. The social norm of the recent past dictated that the guy was the one that always asked the girl out on a date. However, the evolution of dating and open thinking has made it perfectly fine for a girl to ask a guy out whether it is for a first date, second date, etc.. There are a few simple rules you should be prepared for:

1) Be prepared for rejection.

Guys face rejection all the time when it comes to dating and some let it get to them while others allow rejection to make them stronger by chalking it up to experience and not giving up.

2) If your plan is to ask the guy out on a second date while still on your first date, then make sure it is just the two of you when your invitation is presented.

Have a specific idea in mind so that you’re not just saying, “we should go out again.” It’s much better to say, “I’m going to the _____ on Thursday night. Would you like to join me?”

3) Be confident.

Women like a confident man. Likewise, men react better to confidence when being asked out.

4) Be prepared to pay if he says yes.

It is generally recognized that the person asking the other out on a date is the one that pays for the date.

These principles will help you avoid The 14 Dating Traps:

2010-10-08T01:30:00.000-07:00

1. Marketing Trap

Trying to attract a partner by making yourself more appealing, believing you have to sell yourself because nobody would want you as you really are.

2. Packaging Trap

The opposite of the Marketing Trap. Instead of seeking to sell yourself with attractive packaging, you focus on the packaging of others, such as age, body type, weight, income, etc.

3. Scarcity Trap

Believing there is a limited supply of possible partners so you have to take what you can get or be alone.

4. Compatibility Trap

Believing that if you’re having fun with someone and getting along well, then you’re compatible and a committed relationship will work.

5. Fairytale Trap

This is passively expecting your ideal partner to magically appear so that you can live happily ever after without effort on your part. Believing that finding your soul mate will just "happen."

6. Date-to-Mate Trap

Becoming an instant couple with everybody you date, as if you're giving the relationship a test drive. Assuming that by becoming a couple and trying out the relationship that a successful committed relationship will happen.

7. Attraction Trap

Making your choices based solely on feelings of attraction. You interpret a strong attraction to someone as a sign that this relationship is a good choice and is meant to be.

8. Love Trap

Interpreting infatuation, attraction, need, good sex, or emotional attachment as love.

9. Sex Trap

Prioritizing physical intimacy and regarding everything else as optional. Your main criterion for a relationship is sexual attraction and physical compatibility. You become a couple as soon as you have sex.

10. Rescue Trap

Hoping that a relationship will solve your emotional and financial problems and bring you happiness and fulfillment; like winning the lottery.

11. Co-dependent Trap

You expect someone will love you and give you what you want by giving the other person what they want. You try to earn love and happiness by acquiescing, nurturing, giving, and helping. Needing to be needed often results in unconsciously attracting and choosing a relationship with a person who needs you but is unable to give you what you want. You really want to be in a relationship. You feel unworthy as you are, and that you need to earn love. You pursue relationships because you feel incomplete when you're not in one.

12. Entitlement Trap

Believing you deserve to be happy and to get what you want in your life without effort or changes on your part, because you're entitled. Your attitude toward your partner is “What can you do for me?” “Make me feel good.” “Make me happy.”

13. Virtual Reality Trap

Believe that “what you see is what you get” and seeing what you want to see instead of using actual experience and knowledge to make long-term relationship choices.

14. Lone Ranger Trap

You are focused on your goal of finding your life partner and believe that the other relationships in your life are less important and that you don’t need anyone’s help. You evaluate the people you meet for their relationship potential and don’t take the opportunity to cultivate new friends. Then, you feel isolated and believe that there's a scarcity of potential partner

Dating Rules for Women The Do's and Dont's of dating for the modern female

2010-10-07T16:18:00.000-07:00

General Dating Rules

>>Always look great, whatever your income. Gorgeous hair and some lipstick with rags will still turn his head. You have the advantage. You are the woman. Look your best as you could meet a potential Mr. Right anywhere at any time.
>>Never reveal information you don't have to. An enigmatic woman drives men wild.
>>Keep dates brief, but your men interested. Less is always more.
>>Try and stay in shape and involve some fitness regime at a gym. However much you hate it, your Mr. Right loves your body as much as your mind.
>>Let your man pay. If he is interested, he is interested enough to ensure you eat well and get home safely in a cab.
>>Ensure you receive flowers. If he doesn't know what a florist is, dump him.
>>Always keep a guy waiting and never turn up early. It is a lady's perogative.
>>Weekend shopping trips with girlfriends are sacred and not available for dates.
>>Keep your man standing on quicksand by shifting landmarks and goalposts constantly.
>>Ensure you are a good kisser. Men will walk away if you cannot kiss. Practice on a mirror if you have to.
>>Never ever talk about previous boyfriends, particularly their prowess in the bedroom. Your ex-boyfriends are your business only.
>>Never assume anything about your date until you choose to know him better. You cannot always tell by looking.
>>If any man shows the slightest signs of possessiveness or insecurity, run like the wind. Life is too short for boys.
>>If his shoes or hygiene are a disgrace, dump him.
>>Never talk too much about your father and how your date measures up in comparison.
>>Never ever come across as too available or too desperate. He will run a mile. He is the one doing the chasing.
>>If you want a child, don't mention it on the first few dates.
>>Never ever criticize his mother unless you want to remain single.

Hey Guys - 10 ways to impress a first date in style

2010-10-07T16:06:00.000-07:00

You should pull yourself together always and everywhere, but there are exactly six times a week when the way you dress really, really matters. Five of those are from about nine to about five during the workweek, and they can be pretty tough. But the sixth is date night, and it is not to be underestimated. Especially when this particular sixth day happens to be first-date night. Because an impression, like a good outfit, is difficult to make, but when your etiquette is in concert with your wardrobe, well, good things happen. The first thing you need to realize is that your presentation of yourself shows your level of respect for her, and... See? We're already dropping tips before the list actually starts.

Women are obsessed with shoes. Not just their own shoes or shoes on other women — your shoes. So wear nice ones, because her judging you on them is unavoidable. Pick an appropriate pair — lace-ups or loafers for the evening; driving shoes, moccasins, or simple sneakers for the afternoon; flip-flops for nothing, ever — and you’ve scored points before the handshake.

Going out with her, especially for the first time, is an occasion. Dress for it. Don't sweat the tie, but a jacket would be an excellent idea.

Unless your destination requires a tie. Then wear one. But check first — you don't want to feel too dressy.

Also, don't wear a suit. This might seem counter intuitive, but hear us out: If you are going to the opera, fine. The theater, maybe. Otherwise, you'll seem uptight. Sure, the nicest things you own are probably those suits of yours, but those suits are for work — leave them in the dry-cleaning bag 'til Monday. Your goal on date night is to be at leisure, or at least maintain the illusion of it. And separates, or a nice sweater, will convey just that.

Grooming: clip your fingernails, wash your hair. Women check the details. They look at a man's hands more often than a man looks at his own. Make sure yours are presentable. They'll see those little flakes on your shoulder, too, so don't be too shy to break out the dandruff shampoo. If this is a problem for you, avoid wearing a dark shirt.

Take it easy on the cologne. They like it when you smell nice, but there's no need to bludgeon the poor woman.

Don't wear anything to which the words "zany" or "interesting" might apply. T-shirts with sayings on them, your "Mr. Burns for Mayor" pin, dad's old hunting cap — they're not going to show her how clever you are. Your words and actions will. New jokes help, too.

Wear clothes that fit you.

Put your phone on silent.

Check your fly.

Eight dating tips from a guy who's been there.

2010-10-05T00:32:00.000-07:00

1. Get back into the race. What choice is there?

Remember the lyrics from Frank Sinatra's That's Life: “I pick myself up and get back in the race.” Just keep going, and while you might be a bit down or need a short break, there was no choice but to get back into the race.

2. Have “turnkey” date plans ready

If you like finding new things to do, then by all means, go for it. But if being a social activities director is a bit much for you, have a few set date ideas that you know work. Examples: a Starbucks date (in a Starbucks that you know has seating available) or a miniature golf date etc. Make it easy on yourself. As long as you offer your date a reasonable option or two, in general she’ll be happy with the choices. Keep in mind that the main point of the date is to get to know your date – not to try out every single dating possibility on earth or to show how creative you are.

3. If you're dating to get married, then act like it

Remember why you are dating and what the purpose of a date is. Don’t just go out and hang out over and over again. While the date can be fun – just make sure you are learning about the woman you are dating. Have an idea of what you want to ask and what you want to learn about her. Otherwise, you may go out several times and still not know each other much better than you did after the first or second date.

4. Be forgiving

Dating requires having a thick skin. When you have been dating for a long time, you can become overly sensitive to slights and insults, imagined or real. So try to have a forgiving attitude. If your date doesn’t say exactly the appropriate thing, let it go. This doesn’t mean you have to become a doormat (never a good idea!). But don't turn the tiniest offhanded comment into a big deal.

5. Be willing to do what it takes

To find my wife, I needed to be willing to do whatever it took. If that meant traveling, I traveled. If it meant going to a matchmaker, I went. Trust me, I didn’t like doing all this stuff. But I realized I needed to do my part in the process. It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t always cheap or fun. But it eventually led to meeting my wife. It was worth it.

6. Slow down there, Bucko

If you met a woman you like, that's fantastic. Now build on it. Many guys dating a woman prematurely roll out a laundry list of all their problems, weaknesses and “issues.” Would you do this with a new client or with a new colleague at work? While there are exceptions, the third date is not a signal to let down your guard and spill your guts about your deepest feelings and fears. It is a bit early, to say the least. Women may listen sympathetically and even be quite involved in the conversation, but that does not mean it makes them like you more or feel closer to you. It's a bit immodest to share so much so quickly; it creates a false intimacy. It's like microwaving a fine dish that really needs slower cooking.

Yes you need to share, but unpeel the onion slowly. When we talk about other parts of our lives (work, shool, travel, etc.) we're usually positive, upbeat and have a “can do” attitude. Have that attitude about yourself on dates. I am not suggesting lying or being closed. I am suggesting that you pace yourself. No need to spill your guts about negative stuff early on.

Yes, you need to share – how else are you going to connect with a woman? But make sure to unpeel the onion slowly.

7. Listen to what women tell you about dating

Women told me that they did not like going out without being told beforehand whether they were going to dinner or not (they didn’t care either way, but would eat beforehand if they knew to do so). They didn’t like going out (the first few dates) with a guy who had no plan for the date. They preferred being given an option on a date (would you like to go here….or there?). If women in your life give you advice about dating – listen. Chances are it will very helpful.

8. Despite it all, have fun in your life and on dates too

Yes, it is tough being an older single. Okay, next topic. That really needs to be your approach (except for the conversations you have with your closest friends). People will listen, they’ll smile, but you gain very little by becoming the raging single that spews forth about terrible first dates, awful matchmakers and evil dating websites. You’ll sound bitter, you'll become bitter, and you will be concentrating on the tough things in your life rather than the sweeter things.

Sharing a funny anecdote is fine, but don't become a complainer.

Instead of focusing on what's missing, enjoy life, do fun and meaningful things. Don’t wait for marriage to give you permission to vacation, to volunteer, to host people….whatever it is. And enjoy your date. After all, women are a lot more attracted to someone happy and upbeat.

While you're dating you are on a waiting list to get married… so make sure to enjoy the wait. And keep in mind a quote from Winston Churchill which kept me going: “Never, never, never, never give up.”

What should people keep in mind on a first date?

2010-10-04T23:42:00.000-07:00

SO: Here are some good things and red flags to watch out for on a first date.

• Appearance—if the person didn't make an effort to look nice and attractive for the first date, then it's an indicator of how that person is, and it's probably only going to get worse as time goes on.
• Sense of humor—someone who can laugh at a joke or laugh at him/herself. No one wants someone who is so serious about life.

• Good manners—people are usually on their best behavior when they are on a first date, so if his/her manners are lacking, it probably will only get worse as time goes on.

• Interests and passions—while it's important to have similar passions, it's also good to have some different interests.

• Chemistry—either physical or psychological chemistry is important, but it doesn't have to be "knock-your-socks-off" chemistry on the first date. Sometimes chemistry takes time to develop. Great conversation—a conversation that is not one-sided.

• Good listener—someone who is genuinely interested in what you have to say and is engaged.

• Flexibility—someone who is flexible and can compromise.

Red flags:

• Argumentative about a subject or can't compromise and see your point of view (especially on a first date!).

• Bad manners.

• If your date keeps looking around at everyone else in the bar/restaurant when you are talking.

• If he/she keeps talking about an ex.

• He/she constantly complains, is negative or bitter.

While those are some good things and red flags to watch out for on a first date, it's important to take into account that everyone is nervous on first date. So unless the person was outright despicable, sometimes it's important to go on a second date to see if you both are truly compatible.

Who Calls After the First Date?

2010-10-01T10:01:00.001-07:00

It's the next morning and you wake up and you think, "Gee, I had a wonderful time on that date last night!" What now?

According to dating gurus, your answer might vary depending on whether you are a man or a woman. It is unlikely that a second date will occur unless one of you picks up the phone. The big question is, "who should make the first move?"

One would think that such a consideration is not even necessary if two people really like each other, but the sad fact is that this relationship is now about power and accountability.

Whoever picks up the phone and calls first is often the one who is thought to be taking the ultimate responsibility for the course of the relationship.

Traditionally, it is thought that men should initiate the first call, as it is somehow unseemly for women to make such a brash move. Most women are apprehensive about picking up the phone in the early stages of a relationship, because they don't want to give the impression that they are too eager or too desperate.
They have been taught that if they have to chase a man, they will never end up marrying him. Picking up and calling him to follow up on the date would be considered "chasing after a man."

Many women also fear a rejection or even worse, some sort of indication that the man is dating other women.
Although it should be mutually understood that when dating, most people are by definition still single and ALLOWED to date others, it is still disconcerting to pick up the phone and have a purring female voice answer: "Just a second, I'll get him."

Another dreaded response is no response at all, and never having your phone call returned ever. This puts the woman in the position of wondering if she was too forward to call or wallow in the worry that she might have done something to offend him on the date.

However, since times have changed, some women do like to take the bull by the horns and suggest a second date to their potential lover. Some men appreciate this approach and others don't. Many men don't appreciate it, since it doesn't allow them to kind of "script" the conversation in their mind before hand. Sensitive or shy men, however, might be relieved to receive that post-first-date phone call.

Sneek a Peek into the Mind of a Girl

2010-10-01T09:25:00.000-07:00

Q: How important is style to a girl?

A: Considering you only have one chance to make a good first impression, it’s pretty significant. But don’t let that intimidate you. In fact, we get intimidated if we think you’re more stylish than us. We see what you wear as a symbol of how you live: a sloppy, stained shirt makes us think your finances are just as unkempt; too buttoned-up makes us wonder if you ever let loose. So stay simple and classic: fitted jeans, a T-shirt or nice button-up shirt, and a pair of leather shoes or clean sneakers.

Q: What’s a good first date activity? Dinner and a movie seem boring.

A: You’re right. If you suggest dinner and a movie, we’ll wonder if your mom made the suggestion. Plus, a dark, no-talking-allowed movie theater isn’t the best way to get to know someone. Better? Consider meeting at an outside café on a popular street, or for coffee in a busy park—great places for people-watching, which gives us plenty to talk about if conversation gets awkward. If the girl you’ve asked out seems chill, pick a venue that supplies board games or cards, or find a spot to play pool, darts, or air hockey. Friendly competition—especially if you can team up against another couple—is fun, which is exactly what she’ll most remember most about you.

Q: Is there such a thing as looking too good?

A: No. But there is such a thing as trying too hard. And girls can sniff that out. Think about it: Do you want a girl caked with an inch of cakey foundation and thick gooey lip gloss, or one with a face you can touch and lips you can kiss? We’re the same way. We want you to look good, but for it to seem like it took no effort at all. Some tips: Avoid iron-marks on your shirts and jeans or we’ll think you’re a stiff. Use only enough hair product to maintain your style; greasy or crunchy-feeling hair doesn’t exactly scream “run your fingers through me.” Add a spray of a nice scent—enough to notice when we’re standing close and make us want to whisper in your ear to get a better whiff.

Q: Once and for all, what’s the best opening line for a girl?

A: The best line isn’t a line at all. It’s: “Hi. I’m [your name].” That’s it. If you try an old cliché, she might think you’re cheesy. Say hi, tell her who you are, and then let her ask for more.

Q: Is it okay to ask a girl out by text?

A: It’s okay, but it’s not ideal. Ask us out in person and we’ll already have a physical connection; by phone, we might share a few easing laughs. Texting makes the road to really connecting even longer. And, ask us out via text at midnight and we start to wonder if it’s the hour of the evening that made you ask, instead of how much you like us.

why are women obsessed with height?

2010-09-30T10:20:00.001-07:00

Height relates to security for women. In America, "tall, dark, and handsome" is pretty much a household term that most women use as a catchall for what they would want to find in a perfect mate. If you break the phrase down, you get this:

Tall - It is difficult to find security and have confidence in someone you have to physically look down on. It's a trick of the mind. Ask any woman here to tell you what is most attractive about a man ...they will say, "confidence" ...and this refers to both his confidence in himself as well as her perceived confidence in him. Taller men are, by and large, generally more confident ...because they've grown up physically looking down on people (again, trick of the mind, not necessarily because they "look down" or don't respect other people).

Dark - This typically indicates an outdoorsy man ...tanned, probably muscular, probably slim in build ...someone who gets outside rather than a pale, overweight couch potato who stays indoors all the time. Likely, he's a competitor, a class A personality.

Handsome - This one goes without saying ...typically indicates a particular bone structure in the face, square jaw line, oblong shape, etc. Obviously, this is good genetics at work and a woman's search for positive genetics IS an innate behavior, even if she is past her reproductive cycle.

Of course, some or all of these can be compensated for by other factors ...success, money ...both of which bring a great deal of confidence and generally indicate intelligence, ambition, an ability to support a family, etc.

Hey Guys, 10 Dating Signs You're Being Needy

2010-03-11T15:14:00.000-08:00

Below are 10 signs that you are being needy. Remember you are trying to attract women, not turn them off. So if you suffer from any of these signs of neediness, you need to immediately stop those actions.

1. You just walked a woman to her door at the end of a date. Instead of kissing her, you ask her if she had a good time. Women are attracted to confident men. They don't want to have to tell you that they had a good time on a date... they want you to be secure enough in yourself to assume that they had a good time.

2. You called a woman last night and she has not yet called you back, so you either email her or call her again to ask her if she received your message. If you want to push her away, this is one of the best ways to get her to quickly run away from you.

3. You start texting a woman you just began dating five or six times a day. You are over-texting her. You don't need to check in every two hours. That's a sign of neediness and clingy behavior that turns women off.

4. You miss a call on your cell phone from a phone number that you don't recognize. You call the woman you're dating, and to whom you talked just two hours before, and ask, "Did you just call me?" This kind of behavior is going to push and scare her away.

5. You agree with everything the woman you're dating says. Women are not looking for a man who agrees with everything they say. Women want a man who challenges them and from whom they can learn. When a man agrees with everything a woman says, he is telling her that he'll do anything to have a relationship (which is another sign of being needy).

6. The woman you're dating is out for the evening with her friends. She promised to call you when she got home. It's getting late and you haven't heard from her. You just can't resist and you call her cell phone several times until she answers it. This is a sign of being needy and insecure. She's out with her friends... not out with another guy. Let her have some personal space and she'll respect you more.

7. You are too available. If you have plans with a friend, keep those plans even if the woman you're dating asks you to do something that night. Women don't want men who are like a 7-Eleven -- convenient and ready 24/7.

8. You try to please a woman all the time. I'm all about men doing nice things for women, but she has to earn it. Some men will let a woman walk all over them, and then continue to be a sponge and allow it over and over again. Stand up for yourself and she'll respect you more. Letting a woman walk all over you is a clear sign to her that you're needy.

9. Don't be afraid to challenge a woman. If you don't agree with something a woman says, don't just sit there and agree with her thinking it's what she wants. Women are looking for someone who is going to stimulate their mind... not bore them. Women are not turned on by men they can completely control.

10. Be the man! Have a plan and stick with it. Women like men who plan out evenings of fun. Don't always ask a woman what she wants to do. Listen to what she likes when you're having conversations with her, then come up with a fun plan that you will already know she'll like. A needy man will do whatever a woman wants. A man of action will create plans for what they will do. Being a man of action will lead her to find you a lot more attractive in the long run.

Women love dating men who are confident and real. Women want to feel like you need them... but only after you already have your own life, your own ambitions, and your own goals.

The moment a man starts getting too clingy, a woman will run for the hills. This is exactly like how you will pull back from a woman who becomes clingy and needy.

How to Ask for a First Date

2010-03-10T16:22:00.000-08:00

Let’s face it, asking for a first date is nerve wracking. Relax, it’s not the end of the world if the answer is no. To better the chances of getting a yes when you ask for a first date, stay flexible, keep things light, and use these tips:

Ask for a Wednesday or Thursday night. Never ask for a first date for a Friday or Saturday night (too big as date nights) or Monday (everyone hates Mondays)

Offer a specific opportunity (as well as alternative days). If you say, “Would you like to go out sometime?” you leave yourself absolutely no way out if the person says no, and if the answer is yes, you still have to ask the person out.

Offer options. Options can include the day, time, activity, and transportation. Options make you sound organized without being rigid.
Ask for a first date a week to ten days in advance (but you can break this rule with impunity as the need arises).
Go for it when you’re having a good day. You’re cuter when you’re happy, and self-confidence is sexy.

Think KISS (Keep It Simple, Sweetie). All you want to do here is send a clear, gentle, but important message: I’d like to spend some time getting to know you better. Are you interested?

Flirting Tips for Dating

2010-03-10T15:54:00.000-08:00

When you’re on a date, flirting is a delightful way to make your date - and you for that matter - feel irresistible and tingly all over. The point of flirting with your date is interest, that’s why it’s so alluring. Here are some flirting do's and don’ts:

Use your whole body. Lean forward, make eye contact, smile, bend your knees a bit, and relax your hands and arms.

Make eye contact. Looking someone in the eyes is very alluring. And it makes your date feel like he or she has your undivided attention, which is as it should be.

Smile, don’t smirk. Smile openly and sincerely — it’s irresistible.

Pay attention. No looking like you’re trying to remember if you fed the cat.

Lighten up; don’t bulldoze. Telling your date she or he is incredibly hot isn’t flirting; it’s steering your dating experience directly into a mountain.

Focus on your partner, not yourself. Make your date feel as though every word is a pearl of wisdom.

Enjoy yourself. Fun is the flirter’s playground. And once you’re having fun, it’s easy to get others to play.

How to Date with Confidence

2010-03-10T15:47:00.000-08:00

Dating doesn’t have to turn your nerves upside down. Learn to manage your stress and make it work for you. To calm yourself and get ready to have a great time on your date, try these stress-busting techniques.

Square Breathing
To relax before a date or any other potentially anxiety-ridden experience, try square breathing: Inhale to the count of four, hold to the count of four, exhale to the count of four, and hold for four.

Affirmations
To calm yourself and quell any surges of anxiety, try an affirmation. Repeat after me:

“I’m a fun, interesting, worthy person.”
“I deserve success and happiness.”
“A date is only a date — it’s not do-or-die time.”
“I’m calm and fearless.”
“I will enjoy myself tonight, and my date will, too.”
“No one will know or care what happened on this date 500 years from now.”
“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.” (Helen Keller).

Complimenting Your Date

2010-03-10T15:20:00.000-08:00

When you’re on a date, keep your compliments sincere, modest, and focused on parts above the shoulders. This guide will help you pick out things to compliment that both men and women like to hear:

Complimenting Men

Hair
Thick, shiny, wavy, healthy; nice cut, attractive color. Don’t mention receding hairlines, early graying, or dandruff.
Eyes
Bright, clear, beautiful, expressive, warm, laughing, and sensitive. Avoid sexy until the third date.
Personality
Compliment macho men on their sensitivity and sensitive men on their masculinity.
Neck
Mention only if he has a neck like a wrestler.
Clothing
Tie: cut, color, style; socks (but don’t lift his pant leg without asking).
Smile
Charming, handsome, or alluring.
Teeth
Note shiny or white, but not big, dangerous, or sharp.
Body parts
Don’t mention, not even muscles.
Personality
Compliment macho men on their sensitivity and sensitive men on their masculinity.

Complimenting Women

Hair
Thick, shiny, wavy, healthy; nice cut, attractive color, but don’t touch without asking. Be careful about noting an unusual color, and never say “dye.”
Eyes
Bright, clear, beautiful, expressive, warm, laughing, and sensitive. Avoid sexy until the third date.
Neck
Mention only if it’s long and slender.
Clothing
Compliment the ensemble or fabric, but don’t touch. Avoid talking about shoes.
Smile
Warm, engaging, or sweet.
Teeth
Note shiny or white, but not big, dangerous, or sharp
Body parts
Don’t mention.
Personality
Compliment beautiful women on their brains and smart women on their beauty.

Dating Etiquette 101

2009-10-29T10:54:00.000-07:00

So, you’ve taken the plunge and you're ready for a date with that special someone. It’s all downhill from here, right? WRONG! You may think the anticipation building up to asking someone out (or being asked out) is the roughest part of the dating/ relationship journey, but in reality more rides on the actual dating stage. Why? You want to make a good impression on your P.S.O. so you’ve probably got a lot of questions about dating etiquette. Where should you go? What should you wear? Who should pay? Stop stressing over it. You’re not alone.

General opinion holds that dating is not as simple as it once was. And so it seems the question on everyone’s mind is: In a dating world with no rules, what is and isn’t acceptable? While I alone cannot make said rules, I can provide a few helpful guidelines that will make you look...well, fabulous.

Dating etiquette can be broken up into three major parts, pre-date etiquette, post-date etiquette, and of course just plain old date etiquette.

Pre-date etiquette is perhaps the toughest, because it’s possible that neither party involved knows exactly what’s going on. The asking is over, and you’re relieved to finally have confirmation of your P.S.O’s interest, but what comes next? The first thing you need to do is figure out the who, what, when and where of the situation (we already know the why- it’s because you’re awesome). This is where that tricky little thing called communication comes into play. Yes, it may be nerve racking to talk to your P.S.O about the details, what with all those butterflies that won’t seem to stop fluttering whenever you’re around each other. But if you don’t take care of the details, the date isn’t going to be a good one, or worse, it may not happen at all. A word of advice, take care of these things at least 48 hours in advance. That way you can come up with a brief plan- how long you’ll need to get ready, what you’re wearing, etc.

This brings me to the next part of pre-date etiquette. Believe it or not, the “what should I wear” question is a common one for both men and women. When it comes to what to wear, there are four basic rules that I find helpful.

1. Dress event appropriate. If you’re going to a fancy restaurant, dress accordingly. If you are participating in some sort of your athletic activity, tennis shoes might come in handy. If you’re going on more of a casual date, denim is appropriate when paired with a nice collared shirt or blouse.

2. Be comfortable. You don’t want to waste valuable getting-to-know-each-other time fidgeting with your clothing.

3. Less (skin) is more (appealing). Ladies, I understand wanting to show off your “assets”, but keep your lovely lady lumps covered. An off the shoulder top or a pencil skirt is enough to get his imagination going and keeps him coming back for more.

4. Be delicious (smelling that is). Looking good is only half the battle. I don’t care how gorgeous you are, no one is going to want to take you out if you smell like Bigfoot. Just a small dab of perfume or cologne goes a long way.

Now that the pre-date etiquette is taken care of, it’s time to address how you should act during the date. You’re nervous, afraid you might make a fool out of yourself. Don’t worry, you’ll get out of there alive, and fare even better if you keep in mind one all encompassing rule; be polite. Nothing screams “I don’t respect you” more than being late, so show up to your designated meeting spot on time. If your date is picking you up, avoid the cliché “make him wait” routine. Under extenuating circumstances, (your car breaks down, your roommate gets sick, you have an impromptu meeting with your academic advisor) communicate. Remember that standing someone up is an inexcusable and unforgivable act, unintentional or otherwise.

If you are picking your date up, go to the door and knock. There’s nothing worse than someone who can’t be bothered to get out of the car, or (as is more likely the case in college) swipe a student ID and walk up a flight or two of stairs. Taking the initiative to walk up to the door and knock says “I’m excited about our date.”

Guys, remember that YOU get to determine whether or not chivalry is dead. A good rule of thumb is to think about how you’d like to see your sister (or close female relative) treated on a date, and behave in a similar manner. In other words, be a gentleman; open doors, pull out chairs, go all out. A majority of women find these little courtesies charming, and won’t be able to resist a smile or a “thank you”. Plus you’ll earn bonus points that may accrue to the ever-anticipated goodnight kiss.

Keep the conversation polite as well. A few words to the wise when it comes to this subject;

1.Never talk about your ex. Why? If you say something nice about your ex, they think you there might still be something there, and no one wants to compete for your attention with someone you’ve already been involved with. And if you say something mean, you’ll come off as a crass gossip.

2.Avoid conversation that is too deep. Typically religion, politics, and intense personal information should be kept out of the conversation, especially on a first date. That’s not to say these topics should remain off limits, but in the beginning its best to avoid topics that could lead to confrontation if you want to ensure a second date. Keep things light, fun and flirtatious. You’re going on a date, not committing to a long term relationship. Save the deep stuff for later.

3.Too flashy = stuck up. The more you name drop and talk about yourself, the less interested you seem in getting to know your date, which defeats the whole purpose of taking someone out. Instead of telling your life story, ask questions about your P.S.O, listen to what he or she has to say, and respond. If you’re genuinely interested in them, they’ll be genuinely interested in you.

And now to perhaps the stickiest subject in any situation, money. Who should be fiscally responsible for the date? There are a huge variety of opinions when it comes to this topic. For my part, I think that whoever does the asking should do the paying. Yes ladies, that means you should be prepared to pay for the date if you ask a guy out. Most guys won’t typically allow a lady to pay because defying traditional dating etiquette may seem emasculating, but it is common courtesy to offer to pay for a date that you suggested.

Regardless of who does the asking, it’s always prudent to be prepared to pay for your share of the date and to actually offer to do so. If you don’t, you may come off as high maintenance or spoiled. A simple, “I can cover my share of the check” is enough to let your date know that you are courteous and will prompt an immediate yes or no response.

The final part of the date is where the two of you part ways. In general it’s always polite for the guy to walk the girl to her car or, even better, her door. It's common courtesy to make sure your date gets home safely. This also ups your chances of getting that good night kiss you’ve been waiting for.

Once the date is over, you need to worry about delivering on post-dating etiquette. Simply put, integrity is of the utmost importance, so you should always do what you say you’re going to do. If you say you are going to call, call. If you say you’d like to make plans for another date, make plans for another date. Never lead someone on under false pretenses. Doing so is deceitful and insensitive. Trust me on this one, word will get around that you dropped off the face of the earth after your date, ruining potential dates in the future.

Above all, remember you are fabulous! So have fun, be yourself, and you just may find your next love interest.

Just For Men

2009-10-09T20:36:00.000-07:00

Many men can't figure out why women won't go out with them on a second or third date. So guys, let me pass on the most common reasons why they did not want to see you again.

1) You talked too much about yourself — It is common in the animal kingdom for the male of the species to show off his "plumage" in an attempt to lure females back to his "lair." Especially when attracted to a date, many men love to talk incessantly about themselves, their jobs, and their possessions, and the result more often than not is to turn off women. (Think of a blathering Michael Scott on "The Office.") At my dating service it was always both amusing yet sad when a man would call his counselor raving about what a great date he just had, then minutes later the woman would call complaining about what a jerk she had just met.

2) Conversely you showed very little interest in learning about who she is — Women these days have their own careers, accomplishments, and hobbies. This is not the Old West when women would coyly flutter their eyelashes and tell Marshal Dillon how wonderful he is because of his broad shoulders. To impress women today, show an interest in them, ask questions about their jobs, outside interests, etc. Then once you discover a mutual interest, you can bring the conversation back to yourself. A great first date for both parties consists of a back and forth patter that is actually rhythmic. Looking back, many happy couples report that on their first date "We completed each other's sentences." That repartee is an integral part of what couples term as "chemistry," along with pure physical attraction.

3) You didn't come across as balanced — "He just seemed so obsessed with ____ (fill in the blank)." For the most part women want to meet and date men who have multiple interests, including the arts, travel, politics, cooking, wine, pets, or whatever. It is OK to talk about what a fervent Red Sox fan you are, as long as you also display a knowledge of events that occur far beyond Yawkey Way. Of course the same holds true if all you talk about is your job or your passion for sci-fi movies.

4) You were too negative — Actually this is one very common complaint men and women make about each other. Not that you have to turn into "Peter Pollyanna," but if you spend most of your date complaining about the restaurant's service or food, your boss, the weather, the economy, Fox News, and especially your exes, the odds of you ever getting a second date are miniscule.

5) You were boring — As I have written before, this is a very common complaint from women. You don't have to stand on your head and juggle the salt and pepper shakers while whistling the theme from "Hawaii Five-O." BUT a lunch or dinner date is not like a business meeting. Try and display a little wit, and even if you are nervous, try and relax and just be yourself. (Unless you really are boring.) If you are nervous, go ahead and admit it right away. You might be pleasantly surprised at her response. "I want a man who is comfortable in his own skin," is an expression I heard from many women.

6) You displayed poor table manners — While this might sound obvious, I was always amazed at how often we heard complaints like "he kept talking with his mouth full," "he never used his napkin," "he was belching throughout dinner," or "he must have been raised in a barn."

7) You were cheap — This is one area in which women do not want equality. At least not yet. No matter how successful a career woman might be, I guarantee that with most women a "let's split the check" comment will more often than not result in your date being the last one with the "splittee." Always offer to pay, and don't be surprised if she smiles and then says "fine, I'll take you out the next time."

8) You drank too much — I know, maybe you had a cocktail before your date to calm your nerves. But then you ordered a drink before dinner and then had one or two more with your meal. "By the end of our date he was slurring his words" was a very common complaint from women.

And guys please note that none of these reasons deal with your appearance. As long as you dress decently and don't show up on your date looking sloppy and totally unkempt, the odds are that most women will not complain about what you look like.

Many women in happy relationships report "I did not feel an attraction at first, but the more I got to know him, his personality grew on me, and after a while I felt very attracted to him."
It's too bad that one very rarely hears a man make a similar statement.

Dating Etiquette: Good Manners for Men and Women

2009-03-13T11:45:00.000-07:00

Dating etiquette has no hard and fast rules but what we’ve done is set some out for you anyways. If you follow the plan below, we guarantee that if you don’t get a second date, it’s simply because they’re not interested in you and not because you behaved inappropriately. Not quite as comforting as you’d like us to be? Okay, we’re sorry. When we do something wrong we apologize. That’s just good dating manners and proper etiquette, after all, and that’s why you’re reading this, right?
The guidelines set out below will help build comfort between you and your date and that’s integral to moving any relationship forward.

No rides on the first date. You never know who you’re going to meet. To avoid any uncomfortable situations, agree on a meeting place. If they don’t have access to transportation, offer to meet them near their home, but not at it.

Have coin for coffee. If you’re the man you should always pay on the first date so keeping it simple is essential to an active dating schedule!

Sleep the night before. Sleep a lot. You need to be energetic and on your game and droopy eyes and yawning while you chat gives the wrong impression.

Always arrive early. Aim for at least 15 minutes before the date is to begin. That will give you time to find a good seat and get comfortable and relaxed. There’s nothing worse than being inconsiderate on your first date. Making people wait is rude.
If you’re going to be late, make sure to call. Dating needs to be as planned as well as the most important events of your life. You don’t want to let Mister or Misses Right slip through your fingers because you ran late buttering your toast.

Get engaged. No, not like that – at least never on the first date! Eye contact is key. If you’re looking around the room, scoping the cute guy/girl in the corner or blankly gazing at a spot on her shirt where her breasts happen to be, you’re saying something to the person across from you – and it’s not something good! Eye contact can be scary at first, but with practice you can improve and your date will be appreciative that you’ve tuned in.

Make sure conversation is going both ways. You need to be as interested in them as you are yourself. If you’re the shy type, make sure to think of stories beforehand so that your date isn’t expected to carry the conversation. Dates are like relationships: they’re all about balance.

Honestly, honesty is the best policy. It’s the only policy, really. You’re trying to build a relationship and it needs to be built on truth.

Sex, politics, money and religion are off the discussion list, for sure. There’re no better ways to ruin chances of a second date than to argue, get too personal or sound perverted on the first. However, if you’re looking for an early out, you can always use them to ensure the date ends quickly!

Always be polite. If things start going badly, let them know that things just aren’t working out. Always leave on good terms as you never know where these people will pop up down the line.

A peck on the cheek is the most you should even consider expecting at the end of a date, and only if they kiss you. Second dates are a different story, but you’re not there yet!
That’s it, that’s all! You’re armed and ready to march into the world of dating with good manners as your guide. You’ll never have to worry about turning off your date because of poor etiquette any more. Now all the pressure is where it should be: on your ability to charm! Good luck!

Making a Great First Impression

2009-02-20T13:26:00.000-08:00

Dress attractively but comfortably. Don't wear clothes that make you feel stiff or self-conscious.

Be aware of your posture - it speaks volumes about you. You want to appear alert and confident by sitting up straight.

Compliment your date. Don't just say 'I like your shirt.' Be sincere and notice something that he or she took time with.

Learn to flirt (see "Top Ten Flirting Tips") and try it out. Don't overdo it, though.

Realize that you don't have to tell people how great you are. It's better to show them instead.

Be interested and interesting. Listen actively to what your date says. Ask questions and don't interrupt.

Enjoy yourself, no matter what. If you're easygoing and fun to be around and if you can roll with whatever comes your way, you can't help but make a great impression.

Thank the other person for the date - always, without exception. Good manners will get you far.

Don't talk about anything negative or complain on a first date.

Be cautious about drinking - it will give you a false sense of confidence and your inhibitions will be lowered. You may say or do things you'll regret later.

Date Ideas

2009-02-20T13:14:00.000-08:00

You have to do your homework and continually educate yourself to stay on top of your game, and for men looking to come up with fresh date ideas, it can be one of the toughest parts about a relationship. Starting strong is easy: The tried-and-true dates are all planned out. Dinner and a movie comes to mind; the couch date is another fine example of a date that gets two people close to one another.

Dates that don't have to cost a fortune, in short, men need to tailor their dating technique to the situation so it's as unique as the woman you are dating. Not every woman likes Italian food and not every woman is impressed by spending a great deal of money (who'd have thought?).

Date Ideas Fact - Once you've met her in the bar, 90% of women would prefer a coffee encounter for the first official date, while only 3% would want to go have another alcohol-fueled encounter. Moral -- women like to evaluate their choices in the light of day.

Top Ten Flirting Tips

2009-02-19T01:50:00.000-08:00

Flirting is fun, but without these ten top flirting tips it could turn into a disaster. You should be able to flirt safely and in a fun way after you finish reading these top ten flirting tips.

The first tip that everyone should be familiar with is the eyes. The eyes are the windows to the soul. When you look at someone you convey to them exactly what you are feeling. When you intend to flirt with someone make sure you look at the person for more time than is necessary. Take care not to stare at the person because this will not go well with the person. Staring is rude. Now the eye contact and smiles go together. After looking at the person, you will need to smile at them. A smile says that you are welcoming.

Among the top ten flirting tips is the compliment. When you compliment someone it means that you have noticed something nice about them. The person you are complimenting on the other hand will know that you have noticed them. They will even start noticing you more than they did before simply because of a compliment. So always have a compliment ready for the person you are going to flirt with.

Now after the compliments the two of you might start talking and you will need to have some great conversations starters or props. No one should go into the flirting game without having some good conversations starters.

Among the top ten flirting tips is the hair, yes the hair girls. Long hair is nice. It however should not be too long to get you uncomfortable. Let your hair down and play with it. Make sure the person you intend to flirt with is watching you. Playing with hair means that they are playful and they can be easily approached.

Do not also forget that the mirroring action is among the top ten flirting tips. It is believed that when you like someone you will do things that they do. If the person scratches his or her head, you will do the same. When flirting if the person crosses his or her legs you should do the same. You should be careful though not make the person feel creeped out by your action.

Among the last set of top ten flirting tips are the whispering technique, the sexual advances and the dressing code. If you want to get a person attention, the best way to do it is by whispering. However when you are whispering to the person you should also make sure that you have a clean breath and you are not smelling of yesterdays garlic. It could be a real turn off. When you are talking to the person, make sure you stay off the sexual advances unless the person is encouraging you to do. Even so, try to refrain from it, you could go so wrong. Wait until the two of you have known each other a little more. When flirting, make sure you change your dressing code. If you used to dress a little conservatively, this is the time to dress in more revealing clothes for the girls. For the men, dress in smart casual and business suits. You will catch more attention that way.

Dating Secrets

2009-02-19T01:38:00.000-08:00

Have you ever wondered why some people seem to get all the dates while others only get the brush off? Here are some really great secrets that can make the difference between being popular and having fun, and staring out the window on your own.

Build charisma and develop rapport by surreptitiously mimicking your date’s non verbal behaviour and unconsciously they will believe that you are just like them and a suitable match, plus every time you meet you can turn that event into a successful outcome, and turn your new found friendships into lasting relationships.

When you speak on the phone to a prospective date, think about something good that happened to you recently and your whole manner will improve, plus you will convey something of yourself, of that feeling and that moment to the other and you will seem approachable, someone who would be nice to be with.

When you meet, and when you depart smile and your date will have that smile as a lasting memory until you meet up again.

To show interest and to take the pressure off yourself, ask open ended questions about their tastes and interests, usually “What X do you like,” or, “How do you feel about X ?” will get the ball rolling, and they will appreciate both the attention and the flow of conversation, after all, it is mainly about themselves and we all like to share our thoughts with others.

Maintaining eye contact for just the right amount of time is very important. You can convey your honest and trustworthiness by holding gaze for about four seconds, but come across as shifty if you over do it and hold gaze up to seven seconds. Only intimate lovers do that, so you will make them feel uncomfortable unless the time is right.

Everyone can learn how to choose a mate that is right for them, how to turn a conversation into a friendship and how to turn a friendship into a lasting relationship. All they need to do is know how.

Bad Mouthing Your Ex

2009-02-19T01:27:00.000-08:00

In the midst of one of those wonderful evening the conversation turns to people you have previously gone out with. Your date goes first and mentions a couple of people. Their assessment is for the most part is fair and balanced. They talk about the good and bad in a calm rational manner. Too bad the same cannot be said for you. When it gets to be your turn, you go off. You rip into your ex like there is no tomorrow. They were this that and the other thing; none of it good. Your ex was hateful, spiteful, deceitful and then you really said how you felt. And no during the middle of your tirade you did not imagine that funny look your date had on their face. Nor did you imagine how after it was over a certain coldness and distance started to creep into the current relationship.
Regardless of how rotten your ex was the best thing you can do is keep it to yourself. If the subject comes up stay calm and detached. Be truthful but keep it as brief as possible and avoid descriptions that are too colorful. As much as possible, let the past remain where it is.

The Attraction Factor

2009-02-18T23:18:00.000-08:00

Look around you and you will find that most of your friends are looking for different kinds of partners. Friends who are so alike each other in their choices differ greatly when it comes to choice of partners, why?

What is it that attracts certain people to each other? In developing friendships or romance, there are a number of items that spark one person’s interest in another. Some of these items are listed below.

Physical Chemistry
Physical attractiveness is the most visible personal trait, and one that we continue to judge others by. We combine the appearance of a person with the information that we have regarding him or her and gain an impression of the person that we use to determine if we find him or her attractive.

Abilities and Confidence
People who are capable and exhibit confidence, talent, or skill are viewed as attractive. For example, it is obvious that exhibiting talents or skills (without showing off) is often cause for admiration. However, this attractiveness also depends on these individuals remaining accessible. It is important to be confident and accomplished, yet also real and not too perfect.

Common Interests
People with similar interests, backgrounds, or beliefs are often attracted to one another. Individuals receive validation from having their beliefs confirmed and feel good about themselves in the presence of similar people. Sharing experiences helps many people feel a common bond. Sharing private thoughts and feelings can also develop a bond or further strengthen a bond.

Childhood
Most of us have childhoods where we missed something. It may have been love, or money or something which we felt that other children got, but we did not. Some of us are attracted to one of our parents-mother or father. Some of us developed childhood preferences according to what we were told. This is good and this is bad. These childhood experiences play a major role in our choice of partner.

Genes
Our genes not only determine our body features but also our mental make-up. Some of us are very intelligent. Others manage to come somewhere at the bottom of the class. Some understand anything in a jiffy while some others never understand whatever you try. Some of us are emotionally very weak and some of us can take emotional blows with ease. Why so much difference? It is all written in our genes. Similarly our genes decide what we like.
Now I hope that I have been able to shed some light upon why we like a particular kind of a partner.

Dating Quiz- The Honest Date Test

Signs she’s into you:

2009-02-18T23:09:00.000-08:00

Difference in Assertiveness
Women are all different. Some are extremely shy about letting you know they like you. Some have no issues about being straightforward and letting you know what they want. This can get confusing. The assertive ones will let you know that they like you by asking you out, or simply telling you. The not-so-assertive ones will throw subtle hints, such as bumping into you constantly, or making sure she is consistently in your sight. She may also wear nice clothes and do her makeup when she knows you will be around.

Physical Signs
She may touch you in a playful or friendly manner. Maybe she softly taps you on the arm in a seemingly playful fashion, or touches your hair (or head) while talking to you. These moves may be a sign that she is interested. If a someone witnesses this behavior, ask their opinion. Others may be able to pick up on it quicker than you can.

The questions
If she asks about your personal life, she just might be into you. She could ask what you are doing tonight, about your hobbies, what you do on the weekend, or any other personal question. This most likely means that she likes you.

Friends
She makes it a point to introduce you to her friends. A lot of girls want to get the opinion of her girlfriends. They want you to know who her friends are, and visa versa. This may be her start to have a fun night out as a group.

Her Look
You notice that she is dressing a little differently around you, even something understated as new makeup or hairstyles. She might just be doing it hoping that you will notice. Tell her she looks good. Compliment her on her makeup or hair.
The bottom line is that she probably won’t be the assertive type. If she were, then she wouldn’t give up until you knew that she was interested, or at least acknowledged that she was. You must keep an eye out for the signs a women will give: dressing nice when you are around, constantly starting conversation with you, making direct eye contact, touching you when she feels it’s alright, etc. make sure you ask those around you what they think, because they will notice it faster than you might. If she is showing these subtle signs of interest, she is waiting for you to make the next move. Tell her you like her, or ask her out!

In the meantime …

2009-02-18T23:02:00.001-08:00

Until you find your exciting new romance, it’s important that you don’t feel your life is lacking. Pick out the good parts about being single, and learn to enjoy those, rather than whimpering about how much being single sucks. If there were nothing fun about being single, married people wouldn’t long for those carefree days – but many of them do. Some even try to recapture their own single days; why do you think adultery (and consequently, divorce) is so commonplace? Enjoy your right to choose. Enjoy your ability to be selfish, to do what you please without having to take anyone else’s needs into account. Fill your life with activities that might not be possible if you were spending all your time with a significant other. If you’re happy with your life, and yourself, then you’re one step closer to being happy with someone else.

Trying to find Mr. Perfect

2009-02-18T22:58:00.000-08:00

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying you shouldn’t have high standards when it comes to choosing your guy. But set your sights too high, and you’re bound to do some serious overlooking. Have a clear idea of what you want in a mate, but be flexible: does he really have to be six foot two, brown-haired, blue-eyed, with a job in sales, his own house, and open to having three or more cats? If you can’t seem to find the right guy, you may be looking too hard. Keep your standards, but try not to be overly picky: be realistic about what you want.

Having vastly different life goals

2009-02-18T22:56:00.000-08:00

Opposites may attract, and that’s fine – if “opposite” means that you prefer chocolate while he prefers vanilla, or other such mundane things. But it’s important that you find out your mate’s biggest goals and dreams, and measure them against yours. Could you handle living in his dream condo in the heart of the city, when all you’ve ever wanted was a few acres and some chickens? Does it matter if he wants to raise his kids Jewish, even if you’re a devout Catholic? In the early stages of a relationship, we’re so in looooove that we tend to overlook important issues like this, taking the starry-eyed view that our love can overcome anything. (Or just the “we’ll-cross-that-bridge-when-we-come-to-it” approach.) But you don’t want to find yourself in a committed relationship and suddenly realizing that neither of you is willing to change your goals for the other.

Pursuing the unattainable

2009-02-18T22:53:00.000-08:00

Perhaps there’s someone you’d love to date, but who has demonstrated time and time again that he doesn’t feel the same way about you that you do about him. Pushing your way into his life isn’t going to help you win him over – in fact, it will probably do quite the opposite (can you say “restraining order?”). If you’ve expressed your feelings to someone, and those feelings aren’t mutual, don’t waste all your time hoping he’ll come around. Move on in search of better prospects. You don’t want someone whose feelings for you are merely lukewarm, anyway!

Hitting the sack immediately

2009-02-18T22:52:00.000-08:00

You can call it hooking up, shacking up, or bedding down – but if you jump into the horizontal mambo too quickly, the only call you’ll be getting is a booty call. If you’re the kind of person that’s into casual sex (and if you are, you’d better be protecting yourself!), then skip this section. But if you’re looking for a potentially serious relationship, give it some time before you slip between the sheets with your new fling. Sleeping with someone right away puts emphasis on the physical attraction and downplays the emotional attraction. You’re not going to make someone love you by having sex with them; that’s just not the way things work. Remember, great sex doesn’t make for a great relationship.

Being commitment-phobic

2009-02-18T22:48:00.000-08:00

It may be that things are progressing too quickly in the relationship, and the inertia scares you. Or that you’re just not sure that there isn’t a better deal out there. Whatever the reason, you have to ask yourself why you’re in a serious relationship to begin with, when you’re so obviously not ready. Is it due to pressure put on you by family and friends? Is it because you’re afraid of being hurt? When you get to the root of the problem, it’s much easier to solve.

Expecting too much, too soon

2009-02-18T22:47:00.000-08:00

Blame the Cinderella stories, the romance novels and the sappy movies – sometimes we think we’ve found “The One” after just a couple of dates. Unfortunately, this rarely happens in real life, and is often due to a rush of new-relationship infatuation. If, after a cappuccino and a movie, you’re calling your mom to say that you have a new boyfriend, you should probably re-examine your ideas about how relationships work. It isn’t necessary to define a relationship (the sticky question of “are we or aren’t we a couple”) so quickly. Just enjoy being together and learning new things about each other. If the feelings are mutual, you’ll both slip easily into a committed relationship over time. Wait until those initial feelings of euphoria have died down before deciding that you can’t live without him.

Alpha Female Syndrome

2009-02-18T22:46:00.001-08:00

If you’re successful in business, you’re probably using the same tactics to attract guys that made you a success in the workplace. The characteristics that work for you in your career won’t necessarily work for you in a relationship. This isn’t to say that you should pretend you don’t have those characteristics; indeed, you should be proud of them, because they make you the strong woman that you are. But perhaps in the realm of dating and relationships, it’s time to push your other, less dominant characteristics to the forefront.

Attitude is Everything

2009-02-18T22:20:00.000-08:00

This goes hand-in-hand with confidence; together, they pack a one-two punch that can either win you the title or knock out your chances. So stop the pity party – stop it right now! It’s not doing you any good, is it? Repeat after me, and make this your mantra: a negative attitude produces negative results. A negative attitude is a habit you’ve gotten into, and it’s going to take a little bit of effort to break it. Once you do, I guarantee that new dating doors will be opened.
In order to change your attitude, you have to give up your emotional baggage. If you’re still bitter over a traumatic breakup or divorce, you can forget about attracting anyone into your life. Even if you do manage to, you’ll shortly run them off with your tendency to unfairly take out your frustrations from past relationships on them. "If you keep looking at your past from a perspective of regret and wanting - of feeling like you never got your due - you're not taking responsibility for your own role in the outcome. Taking the victim position on your past or otherwise disconnecting yourself from your experience of it gets you nothing but more bad results. As they say, 'Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it.'"
Turn that bitterness around! Instead of harboring resentments about your old relationships, examine them to see what you’ve learned. Then – here’s a switch – be grateful that you had the relationship, and that you got burned. The trauma you’ve experienced has most likely taught you a valuable lesson, whatever that might be. It’s up to you to recognize what it is. Once you do, you can consider yourself lucky that because of that lesson, you’re not doomed to re-live it with a subsequent relationship. Whatever it was that sabotaged your previous relationship, now you can avoid it and move ahead instead of dwelling on it – picking at an old wound, so to speak. That’s one hurdle cleared!
Next, try as hard as you can to clear your mind of negative thoughts about dating. Ditch the things you’ve been saying to yourself about how there’s no one out there for you, that you’ve run the dating gamut, that you’re doomed to be an old maid. That kind of negative self-talk only serves to make you desperate, and potential mates tend to run – not walk – to steer clear of desperate people. So replace those thoughts with, “There is someone out there who is perfect for me! I could very well meet that person today!” Even if you don’t necessarily believe it, keep saying it – eventually it will start to sound more and more true to you.

Confidence is Sexy

2009-02-18T22:16:00.000-08:00

Ask almost anyone, and they’ll unanimously agree: confidence is sexy. (Confidence, not cockiness or arrogance … there is a difference.) If you aren’t confident, you may come across as needy, insecure and even (gasp!) desperate – a surefire recipe to attract the wrong kind of person. And if you don’t change that about yourself, you’ll fall repeatedly into the same patterns, dating the same schmuck in a different package.
There are many things you shouldn’t fake but confidence is one thing that, if you feel you’re lacking, is okay to fudge. In fact, pretending that you’re confident can actually help you be more confident. Think about it: if you keep your cool outwardly, nobody can know that on the inside, you’re shaking like a leaf. Start out with baby steps … flash someone a friendly smile or a wave. Keep your chin held high and your posture straight.

Changing your physical appearance can do a lot to boost your self-confidence. We’ve all seen those miraculous makeover shows where the ugly duckling is turned into a swan and cries about how much her life has changed for the better. But there’s only so much you can do to improve your outside. According to Relationship Expert and Life Coach Shari Mindlen, M.B.A., “Rather than buying new clothes, getting a facial, a new haircut or a new car to change your image, do some ‘self’ work on the inside to really make some permanent and effective changes. Fixing the outside is just putting a Band-Aid on your problems. ‘Self’ work creates real solutions and real change in yourself and your behavior. ‘Self’ work means doing some things to increase your self-esteem, improve your self-confidence, give you more self-respect, and have more self-assurance. You need more of these in order to attract emotionally available and emotionally healthy partners and to have a successful, healthy relationship.” Instead of beating themselves up and constantly asking, “What am I doing wrong?” confident people ask themselves what they need to change in order to get what they want.

Love Is A Choice - NOT An Emotion

2009-02-18T21:37:00.000-08:00

Contrary to popular opinion, love is not accidental, incidental, or happenstance. It isn't random, arbitrary, or evolutionary. It happens by the sheer force of two independent wills focused in the same direction. It happens because the two people involved wanted it to happen, and have usually expended considerable effort to make sure that it did happen. Love is not a hole in the sidewalk waiting for you to blindly fall into it. Love is the by product of mental and physical time and effort deliberately put forth to create and continue feelings of infatuation and romance.

In short, true love is a series of choices that you get emotional about. It is not merely an emotion or a feeling that you just helplessly fall into like a hole in the sidewalk. True love is deliberate. It lasts, not because of how you feel about each other - but because of your dedication to your commitment to each other.

Why You're Still Single

2009-02-16T22:11:00.000-08:00

It’s happening all around you. Your friends are either tying the knot, or happily involved with the men of their dreams – but you, it seems, only have a man in your dreams. (Don’t worry, male readers … you too can glean a bit of wisdom from this article.) When you don’t want to be single, single is the worst thing to be. Flying solo can leave you feeling lonely and hopeless, adrift in a seemingly endless ocean of solitary unhappiness. But wait! That ocean is teeming with possibility; haven’t you ever heard the expression “there are lots of fish in the sea?” Whether it’s going to take changing your bait, scouting different fishing holes, or switching from a pole to a net (or catching one with your hands grizzly bear-style, darn it!), it’s time to snag yourself a romance.